Ignorance and Tolerance: The difference between Hate and Respect

 Years ago I was chosen to be best man at a wedding in Hawaii.  I was honored to be chosen, and excited about the location.  This was the second time I was chosen to be a best man, and both times the weddings took place in Hawaii!  Both took place on the beach, with the pacific ocean in the background.  The couples were nervous, excited and happy at both occasions.  Both occasions sound very similar, don't they?  Well, they are not.  At the first wedding, my male friend married his girlfriend, at the second wedding, my female friend married her girlfriend.

I remember when I first asked my friend (the female one) to go out to have a drink after work, after working together for a few months, how defensive and nervous she was talking about "her roommate."  If you didn't pay close attention to the conversation, you would think her roommate was just another friend and they moved across the country together.  While we were out, she mentioned that her roommate was much more than her roommate, she was actually her girlfriend and she thought from all the times speaking to me at work that I "figured it out".  I didn't completely figure it out, until she actually told me.

She asked, "does this bother you?" to which I replied "No".  She didn't expect that answer, so I guess she believed me to be ignorant and closed minded.  The next thing she said was, I guess I shouldn't assume that most people are like back home (out west, conservative country).  From that day forward, we began a friendship we still have today.  I consider her one of my closest friends.

What made me think of her was the story in the news about the "Rutger's suicide" that resulted from an illegally taken gay sex video of the victim by another student who happened to be his roommate.  What if this had happened to her?  What if this had happened to any of my friends (straight or gay)?  What if it was one of my children? I think back to when I first met her, and what if I was just an ignorant jerk? 

My friend would have kicked my ass(verbally), and whoever else stood in her way(physically).  Turns out that I am more tolerant than I even thought, more through rationalization than anything else.  She was a nice person, that's all, why wouldn't we be friends?  Seems so simple and yet so difficult for a vast majority.  Normally bible thumpers, major religions, and the self proclaimed "moral majority" think that gay and lesbian people are going to bring humanity to a standstill.

Did you know that in the places where people fear the gay community, in some cases going as far as outlawing certain types of gay sex(all repealed in 2002), it is still legal to marry your first cousin?  I believe it is also still legal to have sex with an animal(http://www.animallaw.info/articles/ovuszoophilia.htm)?  Every religion makes note of it (great writing and imagination), yet it is frowned upon.  I thought religion was supposed to be about loving all of "god's" creatures; do not hurt anyone, do not murder, cheat or steal, etc.   I guess gays are not "god's" creatures? 

Pedophile priests get protected by the church, but gays and lesbians having consensual sex is just plain against the rules?  Inbreeding is OK, but two adults having consensual sex is a sin?  Everyone should just grow up.  I am a straight man but I can't remember ever being attacked by "straight" bashers, or a band of rogue gays out to convert me.  Gays didn't lobby to block opposite sex marriages.  They do not fight to prevent me from providing health insurance to my wife and kids.  Why do conservatives fight against them? 

I can tell you that my friends after getting married moved back west, to Arizona, from where they were originally from.  The biggest misconception is people thinking everyone from "the middle" are ignorant and intolerant.  My friend's partner comes from a conservative republican family, and they were one of the most supportive and caring families I have ever met.  They were even nice to the "rude" New Yorker who came to visit (I met them all at the wedding as well) for the second reception.  Unfortunately, they are the minority in our country, otherwise, same sex marriages would be legal across the country, and eighteen year olds wouldn't be jumping off of the George Washington Bridge to avoid facing public humiliation.

The Big FU goes to the ignorant self proclaimed "moral conservatives" who have no problem protecting pedophilic clergy, inbreeding amongst their constituents, and hate mongering groups, all in the name of fighting against a group they fear will infiltrate our society.  Not to say they are a little slow, but gays and lesbians have been around since societies were formed.